Toni Thomas

https://toni.bytonichelle

Toni Thomas

Profession:

Model

Instagram Account:

@Toni_Michel

Website or social media link:

https://toni.bytonichelle

NJ, USA

About:

I am a mom first. My son is the world to me. My passion is life, art, romance, deep gut wrenching hold my breath make love to my type of love, laughter; I can not live without passion. I hope in beautiful things.. art, photography. I also love people and try my best to give my best to others. I want to achieve a higher purpose. A deeper depth within my soul. I am an artist. I create and love to be creative. I will travel like a free-flying bird and travel where life wants to take me. I’m ready to go. #NOBOUNDRIES

Your Story

My biggest struggle was, and I still struggle at times with deep insecurities... I had what seemed to be a charmed life. Middle-class family house dog etc.. but growing up was hard for me. I lost my only best friend and big sister at a very early age. (She was my rock) We shared everything. Including an over-possessive perfectionist and abusive mother. Nothing her or I did was ever “good enough” nothing. We knew this because she did not ever hold back on letting us know. We were verbally said so and physically beaten if we did not fully comply with her direction. She was the authority in our home. So I grew up robbed of my self worth at a very early age among other things. Emotionally I still battle with feelings of unworthiness. This is not something that families talk about. Especially in African American culture. It is seen as a taboo subject. Everything I did was calculated and controlled. Even into my young adult years. It damaged me mostly mentally and emotionally. Very tough times.. however now, I practice something called self-love. Learning myself better. Caring more about myself. Turning hate into love. Giving the love that I didn’t receive that I desperately wanted from my mom and filling my son with so much of it that he yearns for more. Not missing a second to tell him I love him to hug him and show it too. He is my joy. He has been my strength my path to truly loving myself and healing all of the physiological wounds that were developed when I was a child. Now he and I take this path of self-discovery together. Both of our eyes are like a child’s eyes. What I was taught to hate or dislike about myself as a little girl I am learning to love for the first time. It doesn’t come easy. It’s a lot of work to reprogram a learnt behaviour much more when it is towards yourself. It is a continuous path and process. However, each day is a new day to love me and live life. Now, that I am a mom my self, my mother and I have a “working” relationship, and I practice my new found love and healing. ( Raki) With her. My mindset is changing and even after it all I still try to hold up strength and smile when I’m around her and shower her with the love that she was unable to give to my sister and me freely. It’s not perfect... but each day is a healthy healing process.

Photo Credits:

Munich international

Stephen Hudgins

Syamham the photographer

Gio Martin